In yesterday’s p.s. I mentioned that I’d watched Tuesdays with Morrie. The movie seemed particularly apt, simply because today would have been my mother’s 99th birthday if she had lived a few years longer. One of the things Morrie said was that he’d never really had compassion for his father, never saw his pain, never knew what his father was up against.
He could have been talking about me and my relationship with my mom.
I spent a lot of years in anger, resentment, frustration, stuffing all those negative emotions inside – because in my house, it didn’t feel safe to express what we really thought.
Now, all these years later, I can connect with what Morrie said. I know now that a great deal of my anger could have been transmuted with a large dose of compassion. Thank goodness I healed my anger before she died.
Someone emailed me the other day saying, “You must be so angry that you’re allergic to bees.” That’s nothing to get angry about. I feel some sadness—well, okay, a lot of sadness—about having to give my bee hives away, but can’t see any sense in being angry about my body’s reaction to bee stings, something over which I have no control.
I had no control over my mother’s depression, either. After all these years, I’m truly sorry she had so much pain in her life. She was doing the best she could. I can feel compassion for her.
I’m also going to treat myself with a bit more compassion. Sure, I held in that anger for way too long. But I, too, was doing the best I could.
My sister, Diana Alishouse, created a series of fabric art pieces that show what depression feels like. Her book, Depression Visible: the ragged edge shows what someone who is bipolar experiences. I never understood either my sister or our mother until I read Diana's book.
Morrie said, “Forgive everybody everything.”
Where was Morrie forty years ago when we needed him?
BEEattitude for Day # 348:
Blessed are those who let go of the dross, for they shall fly unencumbered.
Only 5 more days to get your dog in my next book!
From now through the last day of September, anyone who donates $10 to WAG, also known as the Walton Animal Guild, will be automatically entered in a drawing.
If you win, your dog will be in my next Biscuit McKee mystery!
Every $10 donation is automatically entered in the drawing
See Blog #324 for the details.
Green as a Garden Hose, the 3rd Biscuit McKee Mystery,
is now available in mass market paperback
from World Wide Mystery, a division of Harlequin.